Go fuck yourself!

Atlast after barely 2 months I will make another entry on my blog. I've been busy lately and thats the reason why I cant log in and try to make an entry in my blog. Actuallt theres somany things that I missed doing in past 2 months. I didnt have enough alcohol content for those past couple of months. Any how I still managed to have my social life up and running.

I decided to make an entry today because for the past 2 months I've never been this down till yesterday. I thought last night will be considered as one of the best night I could have for this yeasr, but all hopes came crashing in the ground. Its really frustrating and painful for me. I considered everything and I even bought something just in case there would be some other problems, just for insurance. But what will happen to all the things that I did if the whole plan will not take place. Putang ina hindi kami natuloy! Something came up daw. As in last minute when I was already there waiting for her, bigla nyang sasabihin na hindi na tuloy. Fuck!

I dont like to make any further statement regarding what happen yesterday because I might say some harsh words and I dont want to hurt her feelings. because I dont want her to feel what I felt yesterday. Peace!

shapeshifter

Not all things that we see is true. Sometimes we have the tenedency to feel something ofr someone because of the way they interact with us. well, I'm not saying its always true. But often times were just trying to convince ourselves that it works that way. Maybe its only on my point of view, its for you people to contest if you think I'm wrong.
According to one book that I read, our mind just shapeshifts to what ever we see in this person and our feelings eventually follows to whatever we see..and for me thats basically it, now I know why people end up being heart broken or "napaasa" or whatever you call it. Infatuation is often times mistaken to be love and thats the primary product of shapeshifting.
It sucks.. I know..

Untitled

It's been a while since the last time I posted here. I'm soooo busy right now and I dont think I can manage to make a post everyday. Anyway, Life is still the same for me. As in the same: I'm still stupid, I'm still waiting and I think I'm getting used of the pain or it's just I'm already numb.

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I dont know I should be happy right now. She is already moving on with her x, and thats what I'm telling her always..but when I she told me that she would be having a date, I just felt scared. I dont know why, probably I'm just insecure or maybe I'm just scared that she would like the guy. Hai. There are so many thoughts in my head that are smashing me right now. I know what your reactions are, you would think that if I really love her I should be letting her be. However, I'm just being true to myself. I told her that in my own opinion I dont think it's fine with me that she would go out with this guy that he dont know. haha.. and she didnt. I won.

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Gudluck sainyo patnic. Sayang, pero ikaw ang gumawa ng choice. Wala ako magagawa dun.. Basta sana walang sisihan in the end. Alam ko naman na hindi ka magsisisi eh, or di mo lang ipapakita sa akin?

Same Shit Different Day!

Langya talaga. Sablay nanaman ako. 2x ako this month sumablay, sa magkaibang bagay pa. I really cant see the point of giving several opportunities while you'll always end up failing. No matter how good you did on a certain thing, if it wasnt for you you'll still end up losing. So whats the use of giving chances if its not going to work.

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You made a fool out of me. thanks a lot, i never saw it coming.
Congratulations!

Senseless

Sacrifice is a very hard thing to do. we tend to give up some of the most enjoyable things we do. We do these things to be able to have a good or bad outcome. Sometimes we tend to sacrifice on those senseless things. Is it always necessary to sacrifice your time and love to someone who doesnt know that you love them? Is the pain, suffering, agony is worth it or is it senseless?

Hindi na Mauulit Pa!

Alam ko na simula nung nawala ka noon sobrang nasaktan ako. Aminado ako na sobrang nahirapan ako na kalimutan ka. Alam ko na hindi dapat ako magalit sayo kasi alam ko naman na hindi mo ako niloko. Pero yun yung tingin ko, hindi ko lang alam kung totoo. Pero honestly ngayon hindi ko alam kung maniniwala pa ako dun. Ang dami ko na narinig na stories, pero syempre sayo ako maniniwala kasi mahal kita. Pero looking at it now, I'm starting to believe that its true. Kahit totoo pa yun, wala na ako pakialam. Basta alam ko lang na tapos na ako sa mga paghihirap na naranasan ko. Sobrang sakit at hirap ng napagdaanan ko. Pero ngayon sobrang masaya na ako sa buhay ko kaya pwede ba wag ka na bumalik pa.
Bakit ngayon ka pa babalik kung kailan sarado na ang pinto ko sayo. Sana dati na lang kung kailan handa pa ako tanggapin ka sa kabila ng mga sakit na nagawa mo. Pag naaalala ko kung gaano ako ka-tanga dati natatawa na lang ako. Tang ina please lang tantanan mo na ako. Gusto ko na mabuhay ng magisa. Ngayon nangyayari na yung mga sinabi ko sayo dati. Naniniwala ka na ngayon na ikaw ang maghahabol sa akin ngayon. Tapos na ang lahat para sa akin. Tama na yung ako ang lumabas na nanloko sa atin. Tama na yung ako yung lumabas na masama sa mga mata ng mga tao. Ayaw ko na.
Hindi na mauulit pa ang mga pagkakamali ko dati. Sabi ko na, mali yung ginawa ko na pagtxt sayo. Kasi alam ko na baka bumalik lang yung isa sa atin. Let's live our own life from now on. Hindi ko kaya mabuhay na nandyan ka, ayaw ko bumalik lahat ulit. Parang awa mo na lumayo ka na.

Sleepless!

I cant sleep. I tried closing my eyes but I still cant start dreaming. I'm really tired and lack sleep but I dont know what's wrong with me. I just cant shut down my eyes.
Probably the problem is I have so many thoughts in my mind that I just cant erase. I dont have any problems in my life right now, but I cant stop on thinking about many things. It's really weird. I miss the feeling of having problems due to nonsense things. *sigh* I lost my sense of logical reasoning right now. I cant explain whats happening. Hindi ko alam pero nag senti mode ako bigla.
Can someone please send me back to reality? I just cant bear with this feeling anymore. I feel very wasted and sober at the same time. Argh! I dont know what I miss and why I'm feeling this way. tang ina tantanan niyo na ako!